i think it’s unfair
how my world stops
and yours just continues
like nothing happened

i think it’s unfair
that you intentionally gave me my own medicine
while all my mistakes and medicines were not intended

i think it’s unfair
that i held on for months
just to see how fast you found someone else

and now i’m left with myself
questioning my worth
and: what did i do to deserve this?

you weren’t there for me when i needed you the most

but can i blame you?

that’s the hardest part

i cannot blame you

we both bestowed pain upon each other
with me dealing more pain than you
i’m sorry
but this pain that i feel right now
it consumes every part of me
and yes, we did some things to heal each other
but the difference is i was there for you
every word, every gesture, every assurance i can give
it was all for you
but right now
all i got is me
you left me with me
i guess you’re teaching how to swim
while here i am, helplessly drowning

hindi ko alam
kung susubukan ko pa ba
ibaba ang pangagailangan ko
para makaipon ka ng maibibigay mo

alam kong ubos ka na
alam kong marami akong pangagailangan
pasensya
kasi ako?
marami rin akong pagkukulang

ang hirap maging isang taong maraming kinakailangan
pero palpak rin naman kung magbigay,
paglalaanan.

pero alam ko
na kahit anong bawas ko
at kahit anong ibigay mo
patuloy pa rin ang pagtaas at pagbaba ng presyo

kaya hindi ko na alam
kung susubukan ko pa ba
o sumunod na lang
sa alintuntunin ng tadhana

baka ganun na lang

alternate:
siguro susubukan ko na lang
ibaba ang pangagailangan ko
ibaba ang presyo
hangga’t kaya ko
kasi para sa’yo naman ‘to
para sa’yo naman ‘to

B

gagawin ko ang lahat

D#m

gagawin ko ang lahat

G#m

gagawin ko ang lahat

C#m D#m

upang tanggapin

E F# B

ang pag-ayaw mo sa akin

they say that happiness is a choice
which is true naman
but i read a research saying that actually, happiness is not a choice;
positivity is
and that’s where the problem underlies

OO NA. aminado naman ako na i don’t always choose to be positive
and that my self-pity always gets the best of me
i am often apologetic for wrongs i didn’t do
i am often look for the things i want that i cannot give myself

sobrang dependent ko sa iba, ewan ko ba
lagi akong hinahanap ‘yung assurance
‘yung comfort
‘yung validation sa iba
pero bakit hindi ko maibigay sa sarili ko?

ewan ko ba.

i hope covid kills me before my head does wahaha

punong-puno na ako

at mahirap mapuno kung wala ka naman karapatan magbawas kahit umaapaw na

wala namang butas na pwede pagdaluyan ng masamang tubig

kaya sasarilihin ko na lang

hanggang ako’y masanay

hanggang ‘yung tubig na lang ang bumubuo sa’kin

(ctto)

• 

we accept the love we think we deserve

and I don’t deserve this.